Sometimes when people find out that I live overseas, they ask if I get homesick. Homesick is tricky because there is no one place in North America (or the world) that I identify as home. My usual answer is no but that at times I really miss people but those people are in various places around the world.
Tonight however I am missing two places in addition to the people in those places.
I made a pan of brownies tonight and it sharpened a longing for the people I lived with at St. Jude's. Recently while walking home, I was thinking of the nightly gatherings at the Waterhole. I didn't go every night but anytime I felt like being a bit social between work and dinner it was an option. I miss that. I miss making a pan of brownies and leaving in in the kitchen for others to find or hiding pieces in the freezer and letting certain people who were in need of a pick-me up know about them or delivering warm pieces to colleagues working late or on a Saturday morning. I miss cooking dinner alongside others who are doing the same. Many of the people I miss are no longer there but others still are (and based on their comments on the brownie photo I posted on Facebook, they miss me - and my brownies!).
I am also missing Manila. Although I have never officially lived in Manila or even visited for much longer than a week at a time, it counts as one of my homes. When I lived in Singapore, it was easy to pop over for a weekend and by going every 4-6 weeks I was able to keep up with many (by no means all!) of the goings-on at Gentle Hands. I visited in August 2011 before I moved to Tanzania and said I wouldn't be back until I left Tanzania but I ended up visiting in April 2012. The changes in those 8 months were huge and I felt a bit funny while I was there. I didn't want to connect too deeply with those that had arrived since August as I knew it would be awhile before I made it back. Now it is coming up on a year since I visited. Many of the children I bonded with, including my good buddy Alex, have gone to live with their forever families. Many more children have arrived. Renovations have continued on the original building and the family living area has moved out of the new building. The pictures in my head are no longer accurate. This week, Tracey (Charity's brother's wife) has been posting each day about the goings on at Gentle Hands. There are links to the posts on the Gentle Hands Facebook page. These glimpses into the daily life have made my longing to visit more acute and reminded me of all the crazy things that can happen there each day.
I suspect I may find myself booking some airplane tickets before too long... but to where?
Tonight however I am missing two places in addition to the people in those places.
I made a pan of brownies tonight and it sharpened a longing for the people I lived with at St. Jude's. Recently while walking home, I was thinking of the nightly gatherings at the Waterhole. I didn't go every night but anytime I felt like being a bit social between work and dinner it was an option. I miss that. I miss making a pan of brownies and leaving in in the kitchen for others to find or hiding pieces in the freezer and letting certain people who were in need of a pick-me up know about them or delivering warm pieces to colleagues working late or on a Saturday morning. I miss cooking dinner alongside others who are doing the same. Many of the people I miss are no longer there but others still are (and based on their comments on the brownie photo I posted on Facebook, they miss me - and my brownies!).
I am also missing Manila. Although I have never officially lived in Manila or even visited for much longer than a week at a time, it counts as one of my homes. When I lived in Singapore, it was easy to pop over for a weekend and by going every 4-6 weeks I was able to keep up with many (by no means all!) of the goings-on at Gentle Hands. I visited in August 2011 before I moved to Tanzania and said I wouldn't be back until I left Tanzania but I ended up visiting in April 2012. The changes in those 8 months were huge and I felt a bit funny while I was there. I didn't want to connect too deeply with those that had arrived since August as I knew it would be awhile before I made it back. Now it is coming up on a year since I visited. Many of the children I bonded with, including my good buddy Alex, have gone to live with their forever families. Many more children have arrived. Renovations have continued on the original building and the family living area has moved out of the new building. The pictures in my head are no longer accurate. This week, Tracey (Charity's brother's wife) has been posting each day about the goings on at Gentle Hands. There are links to the posts on the Gentle Hands Facebook page. These glimpses into the daily life have made my longing to visit more acute and reminded me of all the crazy things that can happen there each day.
Lastly (at least for tonight), I am missing my sister Skye's house in Lethbridge. I visited before Christmas and spent time with my 2.5 year old niece, Rachel and my 4 year old nephew, Grant. It had been two years since I has seen them which is a huge chunk of their lives! Skye and Trevor are expecting their third child later this month and although I told them I wouldn't be back until at least summer 2014, I'm starting to wonder if I'll make it that long. Especially after Skye posted the photo below on the weekend and I re-watched the video of Rachel that I filmed in December.
Oh, I can so relate to this post! I think this is the case for any TCK or TCA. We have so many "homes" in different places that it's often not about being homesick at all but about missing those places.
ReplyDeleteJust last week I was thinking about writing a post -- or some kind of extended piece -- about my personal utopian living situation. It would involve all of the wonderful things from the various places I've lived (think coffee from Hanoi and Singapore's MRT), and of course it would leave out all the things that I hate (as in winter and stoopid old plumbing). But what it really comes down to, once I move past those superficial bits and bobs, is the people in those places and the memories I shared with them. In many of those places, the people I shared those memories with are no longer there -- such is live in transient international school communities, hey? So then I'm just left with... memories.
Having said all of that, I am still planning a trip to NYC this summer... heh.
In case you didn't see the quote Lisa Patton (HS librarian at CIS) posted on my FB link to this, here it is:
ReplyDeleteHome is people. Not a place.
If you go back there after the people are gone,
then all you can see is what is not there any more.
- Robin Hobb
But like you I will continue to return to visit some places and hope that with the people that are still there I can at least savor the memories and make new ones.